Originally Posted by Riddler
For the overwhelming majority of my 15+ years in paintball, I callously whored guns. Dozens upon dozens of markers passed through my hands, acquired on a whim or fickle flight of fancy, only to be sold or traded when the mood struck me or I wanted to try something different. A shameful amount of markers, I must admit, entered and left my possession without seeing a single trip to the field.
Over time, I grew to recognize the clutch of my curse, the relentless grip of the tentacles of whoredom. Feeling powerless against it, I sought guidance from Velcor, and was led to meditation. Without hesitation, I dedicated myself to the pursuit of peaceful contemplation, trading job, family and friends - everything I knew - for a simple, monastic life in a tent in the woods behind my house. As the months passed and the growth of my beard raged out of control (and unnoticed), the nebulous haze of whoredom eventually began to lift from my mind. While I did not reach a fully enlightened state, and as a mere, flawed mortal, may never be able to attain it, in a fleeting moment of pristine serenity, I was granted a single, short glimpse of The Truth. Velcor be praised!
Since resuming my existence in society, I have been asked many times what it was I saw, what I learned, and what in the world possessed me to live in the woods like an insane hobo, living off rainwater, bark and questionably-edible wild mushrooms; and damning my wife to many lonely nights while she waited faithfully for my return (that's what she tells me). I am saddened to say that I cannot, must not, share what I saw. For one, I do not yet understand it fully. But it is also not my Truth to share. Though my own repentance is complete, I am unfit to spread the word of Velcor. If I may impart one morsel of guidance, one small nudge of direction, from all that I have learned, I will say simply this: marker whoring is an evil, vile thing; a disease that will taint your mind and darken your soul. It is an abomination that will surely cause babies to cry, boards to fry and rainclouds to form above your head wherever you may go. Find a way to escape it, friends, should you have a care for the pursuit of happiness and an interest in living in the land of Unicorns and rainbows.