I liked it and think the message was delivered well.
I think the strongest point you made is the (extreme) example of a renter getting a headshot with good paint and clean equipment. I really think this was spot on.
The problem with paintball fields in my experience is that they often go out of business quickly and are focussed on maximizing short term profit at the expense of long term profit. Things like running water, business level facilities and qualified staff mean reducing short term profits.