Jokes

Hawkeye20 · 05-10-2011, 12:31 PM

I know there have probably been about 100,000 threads for this, but I am bored, so here we go.

Gimme some jokes. Paintball jokes, politic jokes (only if they aren't lame and/or confusing), blonde jokes, Irish jokes, bar jokes, etc. Just throw 'em out, and make some people laugh. Hopefully by the end of the day we will all be a little happier.

Danny D · 05-10-2011, 12:57 PM

What do you see when the pillsbury dough boy bends over?

Donuts.

Meph · 05-10-2011, 01:04 PM

How many black jokes does it take to ruin a dinner party?

Just one, apparently.

Hawkeye20 · 05-10-2011, 01:12 PM

keep 'em coming!

Pump_Action_Prophet · 05-10-2011, 01:36 PM

So a newfie asked his son one day why he wasent married, the son replied "theres no good women around here". The father told his son, "how aboot in Noova Scootia", so the son thought, hey why not giver a try.
So the young man hopped in his boat and headed for Nova Scotia, he found a girl to marry and the two started on their way back to Newfoundland,
half way there he asked the woman how many men she had been with,
she replied, "I'm a virgin".
That was the end of that and he turned his boat around and returned her to Nova Scotia.
The young mans father asked "what in the hell you do that fer!"
The young man replied "NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE IN NOOVA SCOOTIA, NOT GOOD ENOUGH FER ME!".

Hawkeye20 · 05-10-2011, 01:37 PM

Pump_Action_Prophet · 05-10-2011, 02:03 PM

DON'T CHOKE IN TEXAS....NEW EMERGENCY MEASURE
Two Texans were having breakfast at their favorite watering hole, when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady a few bar stools away turning blue from wolfing down an Armadillo omelette too fast.
The first Texan said to the other "Think we orta' help?"

"Yep", answered the second Texan.

The first Texan got up and walked over to the lady and asked,,, "Kin yew breathe?" She shook her head no.

"Kin yew speak?" She again shook her head no.

With that, he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt and started to lick her on the butt. She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe with great relief. The first Texan turned back to his friend and said......"Funny how that thar Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!"

Hawkeye20 · 05-10-2011, 02:33 PM

ScrapIron · 05-10-2011, 02:44 PM

Saw this on Facebook the other day, from my cousin the white sox fan to my brother the Royals fan:

Why isn't Iowa allowed to have a major league ball club?

Because the people down in Kansas City would get jealous and want one too.

Hawkeye20 · 05-10-2011, 03:02 PM

You get a semi-

because it seems you have to be a locale to fully appreciate it

05-10-2011, 12:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
Danny D Modder at heart Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Toronto, Canada	What do you see when the pillsbury dough boy bends over? Donuts.

05-10-2011, 01:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
Pump_Action_Prophet MCB Member Join Date: May 2009	So a newfie asked his son one day why he wasent married, the son replied "theres no good women around here". The father told his son, "how aboot in Noova Scootia", so the son thought, hey why not giver a try. So the young man hopped in his boat and headed for Nova Scotia, he found a girl to marry and the two started on their way back to Newfoundland, half way there he asked the woman how many men she had been with, she replied, "I'm a virgin". That was the end of that and he turned his boat around and returned her to Nova Scotia. The young mans father asked "what in the hell you do that fer!" The young man replied "NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE IN NOOVA SCOOTIA, NOT GOOD ENOUGH FER ME!".

05-10-2011, 02:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
Pump_Action_Prophet MCB Member Join Date: May 2009	DON'T CHOKE IN TEXAS....NEW EMERGENCY MEASURE Two Texans were having breakfast at their favorite watering hole, when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady a few bar stools away turning blue from wolfing down an Armadillo omelette too fast. The first Texan said to the other "Think we orta' help?" "Yep", answered the second Texan. The first Texan got up and walked over to the lady and asked,,, "Kin yew breathe?" She shook her head no. "Kin yew speak?" She again shook her head no. With that, he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt and started to lick her on the butt. She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe with great relief. The first Texan turned back to his friend and said......"Funny how that thar Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!"