Nothing like a surprise prostate exam in the morning.

paintballedbackin88 · 02-02-2012, 01:47 PM

My company tells me I'm due for my annual physical, so I make a routine appointment for this morning. I go in expecting the usual testing i.e. vital signs and standard lab tests for diabetes and cholesterol levels.

The doctor comes in and listens to my lungs, checks my ears, etc...He then asks me how old I am and I reply that I'll be 42 later this year. He says, "Perfect, it's time to do a prostate exam." I'm like, "whoa doc, I'm just here for a routine physical and they've never done a prostate exam before!"

He says, "Well, problems with the prostate usually occur after 50, so we start checking for problems early..." as he proceeds to put on his gloves! I then notice he has MASSIVE hands. Big, fat, fingers with huge knuckles.

He tells me to drop my trousers and to lean over the exam table! I'm still trying to stall when I look over my shoulder to see him scoop out a giant glob of vaseline. I look away and ask him if he will tell when to take deep bre...WHOOSH! He doesn't say anything as he rams his fat finger and knuckles right up where the sun doesn't shine!

It was probably about 5 seconds but it felt like a minute. He then tells me everything checks out fine and tells me to pull my pants back up.

What no one prepared me for was the unpleasant "moist" feeling down there after the exam, due to all that "lubrication." WTF?! This is the start to my day...

russc · 02-02-2012, 01:49 PM

Good lord.

Painthappy · 02-02-2012, 01:54 PM

We have all these fancy machines, and tests, and what not... But still... The finger is the best method for the prostate?

I don't buy that...

B.R. · 02-02-2012, 01:55 PM

you got finger banged!

Chaz · 02-02-2012, 01:56 PM

Something smells fishy here... You sure he was your doctor and not some dude that walked in with a lab coat on?

paintballedbackin88 · 02-02-2012, 01:59 PM

Well, my regular doctor is a petite, older lady in her 60's and she happened to be off today.

All you guys under 40 have something to look forward to...

Brewtt · 02-02-2012, 02:00 PM

Ah... the ol' "Digital rectal exam."

Sounds "high tech" doesn't it? Doesn't feel high tech at all.

desertT1 · 02-02-2012, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paintballedbackin88

Well, my regular doctor is a petite, older lady in her 60's and she happened to be off today.

All you guys under 40 have something to look forward to...

Unless they come up with a better way in the next 13 years. *crosses fingers*

tarakian · 02-02-2012, 02:04 PM

Ah, I see you've met Dr. MAr...

Spider! · 02-02-2012, 02:37 PM

Yeah, the alternative is a doctor with short little fingers to go with that jar of mayo.

02-02-2012, 01:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
paintballedbackin88 MCB Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Los Angeles	Nothing like a surprise prostate exam in the morning. My company tells me I'm due for my annual physical, so I make a routine appointment for this morning. I go in expecting the usual testing i.e. vital signs and standard lab tests for diabetes and cholesterol levels. The doctor comes in and listens to my lungs, checks my ears, etc...He then asks me how old I am and I reply that I'll be 42 later this year. He says, "Perfect, it's time to do a prostate exam." I'm like, "whoa doc, I'm just here for a routine physical and they've never done a prostate exam before!" He says, "Well, problems with the prostate usually occur after 50, so we start checking for problems early..." as he proceeds to put on his gloves! I then notice he has MASSIVE hands. Big, fat, fingers with huge knuckles. He tells me to drop my trousers and to lean over the exam table! I'm still trying to stall when I look over my shoulder to see him scoop out a giant glob of vaseline. I look away and ask him if he will tell when to take deep bre...WHOOSH! He doesn't say anything as he rams his fat finger and knuckles right up where the sun doesn't shine! It was probably about 5 seconds but it felt like a minute. He then tells me everything checks out fine and tells me to pull my pants back up. What no one prepared me for was the unpleasant "moist" feeling down there after the exam, due to all that "lubrication." WTF?! This is the start to my day... __________________ MCB feedback http://www.mcarterbrown.com/forums/f...-feedback.html Customcockers.com feedback http://customcockers.com/forum/itrader.php?u=15377 pbn feedback http://www.pbnation.com/feedback.php?u=580633

02-02-2012, 01:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
Painthappy I Am The Admin Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: New Boston, NH	We have all these fancy machines, and tests, and what not... But still... The finger is the best method for the prostate? I don't buy that... __________________ Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. Vids- http://www.youtube.com/painthappy Pics- http://www.flickr.com/photos/paintballphotos/ The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.

02-02-2012, 01:55 PM	#4 (permalink)
B.R. THE NEW PA Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: ne Pa	you got finger banged! __________________ FEEDBACK http://www.mcarterbrown.com/forums/f...-feedback.html this big tranformer came through a town like 30 miles from my hometown!!

02-02-2012, 01:59 PM	#6 (permalink)
paintballedbackin88 MCB Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Los Angeles	Well, my regular doctor is a petite, older lady in her 60's and she happened to be off today. All you guys under 40 have something to look forward to... __________________ MCB feedback http://www.mcarterbrown.com/forums/f...-feedback.html Customcockers.com feedback http://customcockers.com/forum/itrader.php?u=15377 pbn feedback http://www.pbnation.com/feedback.php?u=580633

02-02-2012, 02:00 PM	#7 (permalink)
Brewtt CHEERS! Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Northern California	Ah... the ol' "Digital rectal exam." Sounds "high tech" doesn't it? Doesn't feel high tech at all. __________________ Dabbling in the recreational paintball arts since 1991.

02-02-2012, 02:04 PM	#9 (permalink)
tarakian Stange, but not a stanger Join Date: Mar 2007	Ah, I see you've met Dr. MAr... __________________ No one has the right not to be offended. Feedback www.zombieshoot.com

02-02-2012, 02:37 PM	#10 (permalink)
Spider! MCB Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Houston, TX	Yeah, the alternative is a doctor with short little fingers to go with that jar of mayo. __________________ My Feedback