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Old 02-16-2013, 09:11 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Zombies and Canadians....

Canada’s government must reach out to the undead | Full Comment | National Post

“Under the leadership of this Prime Minister, Canada will never become a safe haven for zombies, ever.” -Foreign Minister John Baird, House of Commons, Feb. 13, 2013.

John Baird’s tough-guy rhetoric may win applause from the Conservative back bench. But the foreign minister’s inflammatory words dangerously oversimplify a complex situation. Worse, they shamefully betray Canada’s historic role as an honest broker between the living and undead communities.

The zombie movement has both a political and a military wing. While the military wing has been responsible for atrocities, which Canada correctly condemns, the political wing provides crucial social services to the zombie population.

Zombies face a frightening humanitarian crisis — aggravated, it may be said, by the sanctions and boycotts imposed on them by living people who refuse to accept the need for coexistence with their mindless, flesh-eating neighbours. To subsist, zombies need to consume human flesh. Yet many zombies exist in an advanced state of decomposition, and lack the strength to rend and devour for themselves. The political wing of the zombie movement delivers important social services to these weakened zombies, serving freeze-dried brains at collective feeding stations and offering communication instruction to zombies who have lost the faculty of speech. It is only by talking to the political wing of the zombie movement that there can be any hope of a peace process.

Canada must repudiate extremism on both sides of the conflict. Just as there are zombies who want to eat every human being on earth until the entire planet is reduced to an apocalyptic wasteland, so there are also living people who refuse to allow any cannibalism at all and insist upon total zombie eradication. A final resolution will be reached only by negotiating a middle way: a way that acknowledges both the historic aspirations of the zombies to rip apart quite a lot of people, and also the legitimate security concerns of the living not to be slaughtered to the last man, woman and child.

It’s important to recognize that a multicultural society like Canada is home to many Undead Canadians. For the most part, undead Canadians reject the violent methods of the more militant zombies. Yet they feel many of the same grievances as their zombie kin. To condemn all zombies in the across-the-board manner of John Baird can only deepen the isolation and alienation of Undead Canadians. Baird’s politics of division may advance the partisan interests of the Harper Conservatives. But it’s a politics sadly at variance with the best Canadian traditions.

Baird’s hostile rhetoric not only isolates undead Canadians within Canada. It isolates Canada from Canada’s most important allies. The European Union recognizes the political wing of the zombie movement as a legitimate representative of the zombie people. India maintains full diplomatic relations with the zombies. Yet the Harper government insists on a policy even more confrontational than that of the United States, which — under President Obama — has quietly abandoned its old hardline rhetoric of “You are either with us, or you are with the zombies.”

More troubling still, Baird’s over-identification of Canada with one party to the conflict puts at risk those Canadians who must work and travel among the undead. Canadians have long believed that the insignia of a red maple leaf, stitched onto a backpack or windbreaker, might avert a zombie attack. By refusing to acknowledge the zombies’ grievances, Baird has invited them to target and eat even more Canadians than they already have.

Baird speaks of “zombies” as a monolith, ignoring the subtle but important differences within the zombie movement. Some zombies eat both flesh and brains. Others eat brains only. Some zombies were living human beings as recently as an hour ago; others have been undead for many centuries. Some moderate zombies will be satisfied with just a leg or an arm. Others will keep munching until the whole carcass has been gnawed to the bone. A foreign policy worthy of the name would recognize these crucial distinctions.

We have sadly come to expect macho anti-zombie chest-thumping from certain neoconservative media outlets. But it is a fatal impediment to the nuanced understanding that alone can lead to a just and lasting peace.

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Old 02-16-2013, 09:58 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Old 02-16-2013, 12:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Is this the kind of thing that gets written when all you have for breakfast is molson and maple syrup?
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Old 02-16-2013, 12:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
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It is called "Satire". You guys should look it up.

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Old 02-16-2013, 12:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Canada will never become a safe haven for zombies!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoE_TdZCan0

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Old 02-16-2013, 12:58 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I strongly believe that Zombies and the living cannot live in harmony and I don't care how much zombies grievances there is!!!
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Old 02-16-2013, 01:00 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Canada will never become a safe haven for zombies!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoE_TdZCan0
I lmao
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DashHopes has a nelspot that has internals that were polished by Chuck Norris, using only his beard to polish them.
That nelspot never needs lube, shoots 2,000 ball per second, never needs reloaded, doesn't require an air source and when the paintball hits somebody the result is the same as if Chuck Norris round house kicked them.
He nick named the gun Reggie.
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Old 02-16-2013, 01:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I love Canada.
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Old 02-16-2013, 03:03 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Nothing better to do in congress? Hilarious.
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Old 02-16-2013, 03:06 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Canadian politics is... complicated. It was a tongue-in-cheek jab at the Foreign Affairs Minister and his policies.
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