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Old 04-08-2013, 12:46 PM   #11 (permalink)
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800 lbs... that's a lotta beef. I don't blame him for saying he was sexually assaulted.
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Old 04-08-2013, 12:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Here is how this would read if the women played on an American Sports team:

"Canadian man sexually assaulted by four women.

Tragedy has struck Toronto where four prominent softball players were questioned in the alleged assault of a 19 year old man. This 19 year old man who was seen earlier in a club dressed provocatively and drinking in a local club, was allegedly driven to an isolated parking lot and sexually assaulted.

This leaves many to ask: "How do I get so lucky?", "Can a man even BE sexually assaulted?", and "Why was he at the club in the FIRST place?". The 19 year old has a past of trying to pick up women at this bar, as well as dressing in such a fashion as to make himself look available. During the night in question he was wearing a 'SWAG' T-shirt, and, according to one passerby 'Covered in cologne'.

The women have been suspended pending investigation from the local softball team, which leaves them short handed for the upcoming season.

"We are not sure what we are going to do about the upcoming season. Some of these women were starters for God's sake!" exclaimed a Toronto woman, "I just don't know why people can't leave their sexual exploits in the bedroom." she continued. "He was obviously at the club trying to score - why doesn't he just admit that he now regrets what he started instead of ruining our softball team?!""
Oh. Snap.
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Old 04-08-2013, 12:59 PM   #13 (permalink)
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5 4 and 200lbs no the dude was sexually assaulted I wouldn't want to be with chicks that large either lordy and if he said he didn't want to and they persisted well there ya go.
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Old 04-08-2013, 01:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Talfuchre View Post
Here is how this would read if the women played on an American Sports team:

"Canadian man sexually assaulted by four women.

Tragedy has struck Toronto where four prominent softball players were questioned in the alleged assault of a 19 year old man. This 19 year old man who was seen earlier in a club dressed provocatively and drinking in a local club, was allegedly driven to an isolated parking lot and sexually assaulted.

This leaves many to ask: "How do I get so lucky?", "Can a man even BE sexually assaulted?", and "Why was he at the club in the FIRST place?". The 19 year old has a past of trying to pick up women at this bar, as well as dressing in such a fashion as to make himself look available. During the night in question he was wearing a 'SWAG' T-shirt, and, according to one passerby 'Covered in cologne'.

The women have been suspended pending investigation from the local softball team, which leaves them short handed for the upcoming season.

"We are not sure what we are going to do about the upcoming season. Some of these women were starters for God's sake!" exclaimed a Toronto woman, "I just don't know why people can't leave their sexual exploits in the bedroom." she continued. "He was obviously at the club trying to score - why doesn't he just admit that he now regrets what he started instead of ruining our softball team?!""
If only this weren't true.
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id let her do things to my backside
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Old 04-08-2013, 01:43 PM   #15 (permalink)
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"Its probably his Johnson that is askew after being mauled by four orcas"

That comment on the news article made me laugh my *** off.
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Old 04-08-2013, 05:08 PM   #16 (permalink)
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was this in Quebec by chance. and why would man complain about get foursome any way.
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Old 04-08-2013, 07:33 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Talfuchre View Post
Here is how this would read if the women played on an American Sports team:

"Canadian man sexually assaulted by four women.

Tragedy has struck Toronto where four prominent softball players were questioned in the alleged assault of a 19 year old man. This 19 year old man who was seen earlier in a club dressed provocatively and drinking in a local club, was allegedly driven to an isolated parking lot and sexually assaulted.

This leaves many to ask: "How do I get so lucky?", "Can a man even BE sexually assaulted?", and "Why was he at the club in the FIRST place?". The 19 year old has a past of trying to pick up women at this bar, as well as dressing in such a fashion as to make himself look available. During the night in question he was wearing a 'SWAG' T-shirt, and, according to one passerby 'Covered in cologne'.

The women have been suspended pending investigation from the local softball team, which leaves them short handed for the upcoming season.

"We are not sure what we are going to do about the upcoming season. Some of these women were starters for God's sake!" exclaimed a Toronto woman, "I just don't know why people can't leave their sexual exploits in the bedroom." she continued. "He was obviously at the club trying to score - why doesn't he just admit that he now regrets what he started instead of ruining our softball team?!""
when cnn's actual coverage has the exact same tone as an onion satire that came first...
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Old 04-08-2013, 07:42 PM   #18 (permalink)
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We all gotta go hogging sometime.

He should've just shut his mouth and chalked it up as "that one time when he hooked up with a chick and her three friends".
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Old 04-08-2013, 07:44 PM   #19 (permalink)
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and why would man complain about get foursome any way.
to me this sounds like an sevensome.. I mean it would be if it were on a scale
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Old 04-08-2013, 07:51 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Some of the reactions in this thread sicken me.

I have several friends who have been raped, male and female, by men and women.

Rape is Rape. it's never funny.
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