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Old 07-02-2013, 06:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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jello78's gf. need opinions about a gift

I was given golf clubs for christmas by my bf's parents and they bought us golf lessons to go along with them. We are really busy and have opposite schedules and don't have a lot of time to go golfing, nor is it really something I am interested in. I tried to give the clubs back to them around christmas time and I politely explained that I didn't think I would get much use out of them and I didn't want to waste their money. His dad told me to give it a try. Now, 7 months later, by bf's father is constantly on our back about going golfing and is not being very nice about it. I don't know what to do... Do I try to give the clubs back? Just put a smile on and try to fake it? Idk.

The other side of this that is upsetting me is that they specifically told me that they bought these clubs to get my bf to stop playing paintball. They told me that they wanted me to manipulate him and get him to "grow up." As much as paintball isn't really my thing either, I don't see the harm in him going out and playing every once in a while. He is an only child so they are constantly picking on him. They are very controlling and as much as they say they want him to grow up they are constantly babying him and controlling him. He is a good kid and I love him. I just don't understand why they can't leave him alone. It is one thing for them to try to control him but it is another thing for them to control me. I am very independent. I don't want to be disrespectful but enough is enough. We have been together four year's now and I don't see it getting any better. I don't know what to do and I don't want to make it a bigger problem than it already is. My bf does his best to stand up to them but they shut him right down.

So that is a little back story so I'm really not sure what to do with the clubs. I want to return them but I have a feeling they will take it out on my bf. They don't take no for an answer and they are very pushy. We want to do what we want to do and my bf feels like the middle man all the time between me and his parents.

Advice please!!! Thanks
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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join bf @ paintball. get addicted. let his parents find out. they give up on both of you. profit.

how old is jello? his folks need to let go, and you're right about controlling you being another thing.
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Just curious, but how old are you n Jello?
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
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According to his profile, Mr. Jello is 27. Yeah, it's time to let go.

The gift is rude, but you should always humor the in-laws within reason, and this is within reason. Give golf a try, and then the next time you're pressured to play politely tell Dad that you appreciate the unique gift, but you tried it and found you just don't enjoy the game. Let the clubs sit in the basement for a year or so and then sell them on Craig's List.

And if that doesn't work out, you can dump Jello and get yourself a real man.
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Buy his parents paintball markers for Christmas, explain how it's good exercise and stress relief. Adrenalin, endorphins and whatnot.

I jest, of course that won't work... A gift with a hook in it isn't a gift. Maybe your BF needs to stop being the middle-man, and next time his parents confront him, the BOTH of you need to present a unified front and have a frank conversation with them. This might not be the easiest route because there's a high chance for hurt feelings all around, but if he's 27 and they're still this overbearing... Get used to ignoring them forever, or put your feet down together. My parents were a bit overbearing as well (not to this extent...) and it basically took a few frank conversations explaining to them that they could make all the "helpful" suggestions they wanted but I was an adult with his own interests, goals, and mistakes to make, and the time for parental control was long past. They've obviously gotten used to being able to manipulate people to get their way, this will be a hard message for them to hear.

I also don't know the whole story, so please ignore me if I'm overstepping.... but given they gifted whole golf club sets it sounds like they're financially well-off. If they're financially supporting him in any way, that also needs to end. That automatically gives them a sense of ownership over him and his activities.


Golf... gyeh. Good luck, hope you get things figured out!
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:52 PM   #6 (permalink)
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no, dump jello now, i am right here
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Old 07-02-2013, 08:14 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Or... just a thought... have Rainman or another GURU... convert the glof clubs to paintball guns. Keep them to make them happy and use them as you see fit. You can also... you know... tell the in laws to bugger off if they are going to be mean about it... and see if your bf can detach his cord from them and be a better bf. Sorry... but... he should stand up for you and keep them off your back. Unless he likes the family joining in... in which case... you better get comfy.
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Old 07-02-2013, 08:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm 38, still paintballing, funding retirement, raising a child, grown up if you will. I'm also an only child so I have an idea of what is going on here. In my mid 20's I had the "I'm a grown up, I can make my own choices and you can back me or stay the **** out of the way" talk with my parents. If they are that invasive about hobbies imagine what they will be with more important decisions. If bf isn't living under their roof its time to have that talk. There is no easy solution just trust me that its less agrivating to deal with it now then to let the behavior continue.
Parental units can either be respectful or be ignored. Don't be nasty about it just be firm.

Last edited by oldschool45; 07-02-2013 at 08:58 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 07-02-2013, 08:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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all good suggestions. I have thought of that all. I will take the situation under consideration. He is a good guy and he means well. He has tried to stand up to them and they just blow him off. They don't listen to anyone which is really frustrating. He just needs to be more firm with them and maybe they need to hear from me as well. Thanks guys. I appreciate your input. Just not sure how much more of this I can take.
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Old 07-02-2013, 11:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Sell clubs, buy paint, ignore parents.
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