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Old 08-24-2006, 06:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
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The five levels of the hangover.

The 5 levels of Hangover...

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Five levels of hangover.. I laughed out loud!
Body: Five Levels of Hangovers

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.


Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.


Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a
gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.


Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your *** is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five ****s you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.


Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Chips of your skull are falling out of your ears from the 35 oompa-loompas who are jackhammering the inside of your head. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ***. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

Been through all these at one point or another, back when I was younger drinker. Now I only make it to level one once evry five years or so.
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Old 08-24-2006, 06:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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LOL... man, that is some funny crap....
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Old 08-24-2006, 06:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
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HAHAHAHAHA!

I have gone through that too, though had a "Six Star Hangover (******)" once. Lost track at 32 shots, and another 10+ was missing in the morning.......Literaly hung over for 4 good days. Puked blood in that adventure on just about every surface of my room and the rest of the basement.....It hurt to breath, it hurt to hold my breath, the smell of air or water made me sick.....
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Old 08-24-2006, 06:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
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There is nothing like freezing to death ,on a cold tile bathroom floor in the fetal position, after worshiping the almighty porcelin god.
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Old 08-24-2006, 08:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I don't miss this stuff...I'm 1 week sober...glad I stopped drinking!
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Old 08-24-2006, 10:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I've only been drunk once in my life (Yes ,Once) so I can't really relate but,that was f'n funny
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Old 08-24-2006, 11:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I really don't get hungover. I just have old beer taste in my mouth for a few hours after I wake up.
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Old 08-25-2006, 09:52 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I learned some time ago that if you're going to poison yourself with Alcohol you have to watch out for the dehydration. My personal formula is to drink 3 times as much water as I drink scotch. I haven't been even headache hung over in years.

Of course, my idea of heavy drinking is 2 glasses of scotch in a 24 hour period too. I never really got into that whole "drink till we puke and isn't this fun!" crowd in college. Too busy working a full time job and doing schoolwork I guess.
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Old 08-25-2006, 09:52 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Iwork in a bar and this is going to be my new game trying to figure out howmany start the customers have in the morning!!
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Old 08-25-2006, 10:23 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Chasers work wonders. Drinking coffee to help a hangover is counter-productive.
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