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Old 06-13-2008, 06:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
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"He's dead, Jim."

Had to share this:

Just got off the phone with some telemarketer who was obviously in one of the Arab countries. Anyway, he was calling on behalf of a local chiropractor who is doing a "community awareness" program (i.e. drum up business program). The chiropractor's name.... Dr. McCoy.

So I let him finish his minute-long speech and then said
"Well, there was a guy here that could use those services, but do you know what?"
"No, sir."
"He's dead, Jim."

Him: dead silent
Me: laughing my butt off

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Old 06-13-2008, 06:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Ahh messing with telemarketers. One of the only reasons I regret being on the no-call list.

My favorite was someone calling to enter me in a free window contest(trying to sell me windows). I told him we didn't have windows in our house. After a brief moment of silence he said"No windows in your house?". I'd said "Nope, were vampires. We'd turn right to dust." He started laughing and told me to have a nice day...

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Old 06-13-2008, 06:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Same here- I almost miss those calls.

I would always act interested. Then when it came to the end, I would say unfortunetly it was against my political views, or that "I am not an authorized deal maker".

Very often, the telemarketer would become very irrate. Occationally swearing and beligerant.

Oh, they are just doing there job as well, but I didn't care. Lately I just give the phone to my daughter. She never stops talking, so its an easy way out.

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Old 06-13-2008, 07:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Zoo View Post
Had to share this:

Just got off the phone with some telemarketer who was obviously in one of the Arab countries.
Arab or South East Asia? There's a difference...

I like it when they call me at work and ask me for a few moments of my time. I say sure but make it quick...after 3 or 4 seconds I say "sorry, this is taking too long" and they talk faster, and I do this to them a couple more times just to hear them talk faster and faster trying to get it all out. Just before the end I say "sorry, I have to go, you took too long".
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Old 06-13-2008, 07:13 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I like to just talk to them about random things like sports or the weather. They keep trying to get back to their speel and I say, "yeah, but what about the Celtics in game 4..." Sometimes they hang up and others they just keep trying to get me back on track, only for me to derail them yet again!!
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Old 06-13-2008, 07:13 PM   #6 (permalink)
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no, my favorite trick is dealing with the people hawking newspapers or magazines that i don't want. i tell them i'm blind(which i'm not). i've done this 4 times.

1) i had a "oh i'm sorry." and they hung up.
2) the guy continued to try and get the sale cause even after telling him, i can't read a newspaper and have no need of the coupons, i hung up.
3) "oh really, so you don't want the newspaper?" no duh!!!
4) was like the third time.

other than that, i also do the "i'm under 18(really 31), and i can't make any decisions for mommy or daddy...". i would hate to actually know someone that does this, cause there has to be a better job than that.
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Old 06-14-2008, 06:43 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Never been a telemarketer but for a very brief time (lasted a week maybe) I did work as a collections agent for a telemarketing company. It was probably the crappiest job I ever did in my life.

It was for one for one of those companies that calls you up and tries to sell you a 5 year subscription to about half a dozen magazines. Course you pay full price and pay for them over a year and half instead of 5 years or some such crap. But it meant you had monthly payments and they were viscous about late payments. We actually called people up if they were a single day late. I mean this is for a $30 magazine bill not a mortgage or a car payment. Had some very interesting calls though. Once had a woman who was about 3 months behind on her bill. The entire system was computer automated, it would call and as soon as someone answered it would connect me and their info would come up on my screen. She was aware of all this and told me to look at her info page on my computer, and then continued to tell me that she had terminal cancer and didn't care how much she owed cause she wasn't going to be around to read the damn magazines. Sure enough the system had it noted that she was terminal, she was very polite about the whole thing, all I could do was apologize for bothering her. I think thats what made me quit that job.

I did enjoy it a few months after I quit when one day I got a call from the very same company trying to sell me magazine. I told the telemarketer to stand up in their cubicle and look to the other side of the room where the wall was that divided the sales from the collections department. Told her I used to work on the other side of that wall. Then I just asked her do you really think I want to buy anything from that company. She just laughed and told me to have a nice day and hung up.
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Old 06-14-2008, 07:46 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I have used the whole "are we still fishing this weekend?" act. I find it is more fun when you talk really fast then just stop abruptly and let them try and figure out what you said. Or just start speaking another language halfway through the language. Or in the creepiest voice imaginable say the houseboys are acting up and you have to administer some open hand discipline.
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Old 06-14-2008, 08:03 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I have screamed at telemarketers before, and really any dumb *** who calls during the day. I work third shift i sleep during the day. So on any paperwork i fill out i always say DO NOT CALL BETWEEN NOON AND 6 PM EASTERN TIME. So when do said jack dumpers call me, yeah then. I just rip into em. I don't care anymore. I used to try to be nice. Now i just tell em to F off and eat a dick. I can't stand it, i am on the no call list, but some dickweeds still get through. I have even yelled at my Health care company for repeatedly calling me, 5 days in a row, all to tell me about offers and such, like i give a rat's ***.

I had a rep from HP, thickest Indian accent though his name was John, call me last week about repairs to my Gf's laptop. Now when she sent it in for service she made clear that although i was the one who bought it all contact about it should be with her. So who does HP call, at 2 pm after i had been up almost 30 something hours and was just falling asleep. He proceeds to ask me questions about the laptop's service for 5 min, even though i repeatedly tell him I DONT HAVE THE LAPTOP, SHE DOES. HOW WOULD I KNOW HOW IT IS? After 5 min, i just told him to F off, put 1's in in every category cause it's obvious you are a bunch of retards who can't read and DO NOT EVER CALL ME AGAIN. He sounded like he was taken aback, and before he could reply i hung up. I repeatedly told him you woke me from my sleep this better be important, yet he was adamant knowing a rating of 1-5 for the service was important, as well as rating 1-5 for time and crap. If i could have kicked his teeth in and curb stomped him i would have. I swear to god.

I used to play with them, now i just get very aggresive. Before i'd do the lead them along jokes, make em think i am interested, now i just get soooo mad. I am trying to sleep, can you not wake me and waste my cell phone minutes pitching a piece of crap i will not buy? Thanks.
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Old 06-14-2008, 08:05 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I remember once I talked to one for like 10 minutes about Las Vegas hookers. It elevated to family. I couldn't understand half of what he was saying.
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