The Scooch list
Here it is!!! The Official Scooch List.
#1: no matter what anyone talks about with Scooch there, it always somehow reverts back to number 59,27, and/or 13
#2: Anything can be burned. Anything. And should be.
#3: Saying "YOU WONT______" means he will.
#4: Minimum safe distance at a Scooch fire is 30-50 meters from the source. See 2/10/34
#5: When in doubt, get naked.
#6: 4 pairs of knee high socks, combat boots and boxer-briefs are acceptable attire at any hour of the day, for any function, anywhere.
#7: Only Scooch farts can be comparable to a woody fart.
#8: You can knock someone out with a bar of soap in a woman's pair of pantyhose
#9: When eating habeneros, only the first one hurts. After that they are better by the dozen
#10: Burning plastic in great quantities in the fire pit not only wakes you up in the morning, but makes your brain tingle and the sun come out because the ozone is gone.
#11: Scooch has a dick piercing. The details of how, when and by whom this was carried out remain unknown
#12: Providing Information on internet sites usually results in the termination of the account for being a spam username. For use with #77
#13: I learned to never occupy a bush or obscure bunker he has occupied for more then 5 minutes
#14: when Scooch puts a mask on, you should too, no matter the locale.
#15: To see on how rough a night he is planning on having, look at how many socks he is putting on.
#16: Toilet paper is overrated. Completely unrelated to 15.
#17: When Scooch tells you the Budweiser girls are at the bar, he is going on here-say.
#18: Chuck Norris is even creeped out by Scooch
#19: The dick piercing may or may not have been influenced by Scooch's experience with a tick burrowed into his member. The tick did happen. Whether it influenced the piercing or not remains unknown
#20: If Scooch admits something smells bad.... trust him.
#21: No matter how many times you whip yourself in the groin with a squeegee, you do not grow numb to the pain
#22: Socks fit on your hands like gauntlets. Said sock can then be reversed and used for second pass...
#23: Fresh dug holes marked with a rock on top are NOT the sign of a paint mine. beware.
#24: Pain and pleasure are not necessarily opposite ends of a sliding scale. In fact, they may be intimately related
#25: Don't bet money that Scooch wont eat a raw egg and chase it with a mouthful of paintballs.. because he has, and will again.
#26: DO NOT borrow Scooch's mask unless you are prepared for the massive amounts of dried chew spit inside of it.
#27: I learned why he carries a knife onto the field
#28: wax works just as good if not better than deodorant
#29: "If I had 3 cock-rings and 3 glo-sticks, I could turn my dick into a chandelier."
#30 His boxers smell like dryer sheets at all times through out the day, and if you don't believe him he'll let you smell them.
#31 Say, these ARE Snappy Wieners!
#32: Building a potato cannon that can shoot over a mile is a bad idea, no matter how far away you THINK your neighbors actually live
#33: Building a potato cannon that can shoot over a mile and firing it straight up is a bad idea, no matter how small you THINK the probability of it hitting you on the way down is
#34: 900 grains of black powder is sufficient for just about anything. See 32/33 & 2
#35: A lacrosse ball trimmed to fit will fly a distance greater than .5 miles. See 34
#36: Scooch thinks nothing of going up against a tank armed only with his Phantom.
#37: Silly String does not make good shorts.
#38: Scooch is married to a woman, not a sheep, This is proof any guy can get an attractive woman to marry them, and accept them for who they are, despite their great faults.
#39: Camo shirts can be plain white t's. Multicam can only be used after 1 day of play.
#40: anything that glows, Scooch WILL Experiment with.
#41: Firing a 12 gauge through drywall and then jumping through said wall is not only fun, but scares the **** out of your friends
#42: If Scooch puts a screwdriver through his junk, it then becomes a multi tool
#43: When drinking, getting naked and trying to put your junk in a mans mouth is totally normal, and is not concidered gay.
#44: If you can only see Scooch's upper body and he is wearing a shirt, do not automatically assume he is wearing pants. Also see #60
#45: Don't tell your wife about doing 46. May result in bad things.
#46: Cracking chem-lights, draining them through a coffee filter and drinking the goo with a few glasses of ice water will make your urine glow bright green within 20 minutes.
#47: Violating #45 ruins one of his reasons for #46
#48: Sucking all the chemicals out of a snap-light wrist bracelet allows you to spit fluorescence on all your friends
#49: 48 will make your teeth glow
#50: Chemlights taste like ****
#51: If you pass gas in a waterproof poncho, you can closeup the face hole and stew in it, or transport said odor to another campsite prior to release
#52: If people start to wonder where all the chemlights on the perimeter wire disappeared to, the answer is Scooch
#53: You can write your name with your urine and you don't need snow. See 46
#54: When Scooch goes into a closet with clothes on do not automatically assume that he will come out with them on
#55: No matter what he says about Sheep...he is NOT serious.... no matter how graphic or detail specific.
#56: No matter what he says about things other than sheep, he is entirely serious, no matter how graphic or detail specific
#57 If Scooch is pointing a nerf gun at you, you better be cautious as to where that nerf dart has been previously...
#58: IF Scooch has no barrel bag, don't ask him about it, because he won't want to talk about it.
#59: I learned the reason he wears 4 socks on the field any given day
#60 Jeep doors make great urinals.
#61: Scooch is on a new diet.Not atkins, not south beach, not jenny craig or weightwatchers. He's a vagitarian
#62: Scooch will bring a candle for you to blow out on your birthday. Ask Misfit.
#63: Scooch does not have children, see 45
#64: Scooch's motto is "Safety First", that's why he'll pull the lit bottle rocket from his butt and come running if someone calls for help.
#65: If you pour Magic Shell ice cream topping on you junk, let it harden and then get a erection it will look like a snake hatching from an egg.
#66: his rubber duck not only keeps him company, but also attends formal events with him as his date
#67: Scooch is not afriad to wrestle a man, regardless of how naked he is, or the size of the other man
#68 Scooch has never stolen or abducted any animal. He seduced everyone of them.
#69: Do not draw a smiley face on your scotum with permanent Sharpie. It starts to burn like icey hot within a few minutes.
#70: If you stumble upon Scooch in a bunker covering up a hole he just dug. Make note to self NOT to enter that bunker.
#71: if it is against your better judgment to eat something and someone tells you its ok to eat, Scooch ate it. It is NOT ok to eat it.
#72: Gulping water with a dip in is a bad choice
#73: No matter what your working on never ask scooch to borrow a multitool
#74: sucking tobacco up your nose and spitting it out your mouth is fine, but smoking will kill you.
#75: when interviewing him on what his favorite part of the day was, don't assume it was something that happened earlier, see 76.
#76: Eating a hopper full of paint will change the color of your poop. Scooch can prove it.
#77: The American porn industry has yet to explore the commercial value of fluorescent discharge.
#78: when Scooch tells you not to pick up any socks you might find, you better listen
#79 Rubbing the liquid from chemlights on you dick makes it look cool, but starts to burn almost instantly.
#80: listing your occupation as Stunt Cock for Adult Films will get you banned.
#81: If you ever see Scooch without ANY socks on, he had a rough night and an even rougher morning
#82 If you have thre whole dollars, that's like a third of a dollar.
#83: His reasons for eating the hottest wings are not for the intake, but rather the outtake.
#84: dressing up like a kamikaze, writing USS Arizona on the toilet and screaming Tora Tora Tora is not a good idea, no matter how hot the wings you ate were. See #45
#85: You can use a homemade high-pressured air-gun to unclog the toilet after 84 you're too poor to afford a plunger
#86: Finger painting is fun. See 85
#87: if Scooch sends you a picture text, don't open it.
#88: Any man that put a pole barn nail through the piercing in his dick deserves his own 101 scary fact list. Any man that then puts toothpick swords through his dick piercing, deserves free drinks for the night.
#89: Scooch does not puke, disgusting things are just scared of his stomach and want to get back out.
#90: If Scooch asks you if you've ever seen a chicken heart, start running away.
#91 The creek at A.S.C. is deep, Balls Deep. Ask Scooch.
#92: If he puts his large ring piercings in his penis and get a erection he only need a piece of string and he can make a fishing pole
#93 Scooch's butt works as a Silencer for a Metadyne.
#94: Is currently involved in a class action lawsuit with the British Bubblegum pop group "Scooch". They were formed in 1998, and he's been here since 1974.
#95 Ice and pulling nails from a roof are a bad combination for balance.
#96 hiding frozen dog poop in Woody's bag is always a good way to pass the time.
#97 if Scooch asks you where your apron is, carefully remove it from your tool bag, it may be hiding a once frozen present. see 96.
#98: Alternatives to 46 include use of a syringe applied below the belt. See 45
#99: I learned that 59,27 and 13 are horrifically related.
#100: When asked if you have ever seen a goat, and Scooch is behind you, don't turn around.
#101: Scooch single handedly cured "Mad Sheep Disease".n He gave them a reach around and now they are happy
much better place for this list.
I think we should change the top line as this IS the offical list now.
I'm going to try #65 tonight.
Is #57 really necessary?
The rest are really well noted though.
you had to be there hahahhaha
#37 and #83 also happened there haha
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