The Dead Zone Paintball Related Chat

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Old 12-24-2007, 09:58 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Have a great one everyone!
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Old 12-25-2007, 12:08 AM   #12 (permalink)
I've porked many
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If meat is murder, I'll have a beer with the murder please.

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Old 12-25-2007, 12:41 AM   #13 (permalink)
starts off small at first
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For shure!
Even though my Duck Slide awaits!
And to all a good night.
"Democracy is the worst form of government except for all the others which have been tried." Winston Churchill

THE-SHOOTIST Anyone chubbin' like me for this?
mailmanmike Since Monday! That's more than 4 hours though, so according to those cialis ads I should see my doctor.
tlane77 I think for a non-chemical chubby it's 6 hours before its time to see a doctor. So you should be good for another couple hours.
splattttttt I wasn't goin to google "chubbin" because I assumed it had to do with fat. The lard type, not the fun stuff. But what ever feelings Jeff's experiencing, then they must be of the fun like stuff...
tlane77 He's got a woody for your woods.
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Old 12-25-2007, 12:50 AM   #14 (permalink)
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This cheered me up, ALOT even though I was already very cheerful!

Merry Christmas!
Originally Posted by Murph View Post
I think that's an ugly chick in there TBH. She's probably a feminist who thinks showing off a giant cooch is empowering.
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Last edited by pinesftw; 12-25-2007 at 01:37 PM.
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Old 12-25-2007, 01:29 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Awesome well written!
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Old 12-25-2007, 01:34 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Good stuff!
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Old 12-25-2007, 01:35 AM   #17 (permalink)
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This brought a large smile out from my dreary holiday season.

Thank you to the creator,
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Originally Posted by pizzaluvr View Post
Skiddish is an Elliot Spitzer, if you will.
Most people don't know that skittish is the proper spelling for "jittery". Don't believe me... Look it up.
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Old 12-25-2007, 12:46 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Ah... these have been posted. Tyger posted them on Lapco's forums too. Apparently they're from from "back in the day" (Date: 1996/12/18).

Not sure if this "HuskerBug" person was the author though.

Originally Posted by Tyger
Two posts from, from back in the day. Typos fixed. Enjoy.



From: (HuskerBug)
Date: 1996/12/18
Subject: 'Twas The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, 'cept Johnny DeLouse.
He polished his marker and topped the agitator,
awaiting old Santa, who'd be by some later.

A cruel trick Santa played, on that last Christmas day,
when he left for poor old Johnny, a cheap old Stingray.
He'd worked hard that summer as a grocery shelf stocker
and he saved and he saved for a trick Autococker.

He awaited old St. Nick in a tactical crouch,
his cammies matched perfect his moms brand new couch.
His red dot cast eerie a glow on the place,
as he waited for Santa to show his fat face.

When out on the roof, there arose such a clatter,
that Johhny got ready, for Santa to splatter.
He pulled down his Spectras and chambered a ball,
ol' Santa was here and was fixin' to call.

Now, Santa's no dummy, he has intuition.
He took down the chimney his own ammunition.
He wore an Intruder and sported a 'Mag,
A case RP, tucked away in his bag.

That volley that followed was more than just fair,
The paintballs collided in the midst of the air.
Johnny dove for new cover, and Santa moved to,
The place would be wrecked, before they were through.

As their hoppers went empty, and their shooting did quit,
Johhny wiped off his goggles, he couldn't see ****.
Old Santa was crouching on an ancient old knee,
and stacking the presents, under the tree.

Johhny was aiming to shoot at him some more,
when the sight in his sights made his jaw hit the floor.
Santa ignored him, in his eye was a glisten
He layed out for Johhny, a nitrogen system.

He went up the Chimney just as quick as he'd come,
and left Johnny dripping paint, and emotionally numb.
He'd ambushed ol' Santa, and he felt kind of mean.
But Santa laughed last, he left him to clean.

So he straightened the stockings and he wiped up the paint.
He cleaned until morning, he thought he might faint.
Santa's an awesome player, he thought in his head,
as he trudged to his bedroom, and into his bed.

Don't wait up for Santa on this Christmas Eve,
that jolly old fat guy's got some tricks up his sleeve.
If you've revenge in your eye like old Johnny DeLouse,
you'll only get spanked and end cleaning the house.

Stay Tuned


--- And the followup ---

From: (HuskerBug)
Date: 1996/12/18
Subject: 'Twas The Night Before Christmas II

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, 'cept Johnny Delouse.
He'd written to Santa a letter this year,
and asked for a rematch with stockguns, I hear.

He acquired a Carter and played stock a lot,
and became a believer of one kill with one shot.
Santa's up to the challenge, he thought afterall,
and he'd take out that fat man with just one well placed ball.

The rules would be simple, he promised no scam.
Only ten rounds of paint and a single twelve gram.
He promised old Santa he'd give him his best,
but just as in last year, loser cleans up the mess.

Now, Johnny's a year older and wiser, you see.
He perched himself outside and up in a tree,
Johnny's view of the roof was just perfect, I'd say.
He chambered a paintball and awaited his prey.

Johnny waited and waited and got cold and stiff.
If Santa had snubbed him, he'd really be miffed.
He almost gave up and went in to his bed,
when the sound of those sleighbells rang true in his head.

When the sleigh did approach from the north as to land,
Johnny beamed deep inside, it was just as he'd planned.
He checked on his marker, he pulled out the plug.
He adjusted his facemask with one final tug.

Santa's sleigh did then land, and ol' Johnny took aim,
he snapped off two quick shots, and a third just the same
His shots had been accurate, his aim was so true,
His target just sat there,dripping in blue.

What Johnny marked was not Santa, you see,
and a ball outta nowhere felled John from his tree.
He gathered his senses and felt for the hit.
The ball had just bounced, but it bruised his left tit.

Santa's tricked poor old Johnny, not once but now twice
But John still had seven shots, when just one should suffice.
Now, and old elf in red couldn't hide, I'd surmise
But Johnny knew well Santa had one more surprise.

He sprinted for cover near his father's old shed,
when he felt that old paintball smack into his head.
His hand came back gooey, this lesson was hard.
Santa ambushed him this time from his own neighbor's yard.

In the wink of an eye the old man man was gone,
and left Johnny splattered, as the morning did dawn.
This year's duel with Santa has left this hope alive;
Maybe next year they'll tangle for three out of five.

Happy Holidays!

Dabbling in the recreational paintball arts since 1991.
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Old 12-25-2007, 01:08 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I found myself making up alternate lyrics to "Jingle Bells" yesterday, featuring a Rainmaker. The chorus was just "SCHLOCK SCHLOCK SCHLOCK" instead of "Jingle Bells".
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Old 12-25-2007, 09:36 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I was just thinking of this the other days, thanks for the bump.
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