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Old 12-24-2006, 07:41 AM   #1 (permalink)
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'Twas the Night Before Christmas.... (Enjoy)

'Twas the Night Before Christmas....

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept Johnny DeLouse
He polished his gun and topped the agitator
Waiting for Santa, who would be by later

A cruel trick Santa played on last Christmas day
When he left for poor Johnny, a lowly Stingray
He'd worked through the summer at the local meat locker
He saved up and bought a tricked out Autococker

He waited for Santa in a tactical crouch
His cammies matched perfectly his mother's new couch
His red dot cast an eerie glow on the place
As he waited for Santa to show his fat face

When out on the roof there arose such a clatter
That Johnny got ready for Santa to splatter
He pulled down his Spectras and chambered a ball
'Cause Santa was here and was fixing to call

Santa's no dummy, he's got intuition
He came down the chimney with his own ammunition
He wore an Intruder and sported a 'Mag
A case of RP was tucked in his bag

The volley that followed was more than just fair
The paintballs collided in the middle of air
Johnny dove for cover as Santa moved too
The place would be wrecked before they were through

When their hoppers were empty and the firing had quit
Johnny wiped off his goggles, he couldn't see $hit
Ol' Santa was crouching down on one knee
And stacking the presents under the tree

Johnny was aiming to shoot him some more
When all of a sudden, his jaw hit the floor
Santa ignored him, in his eye was a glisten
He laid out for Johnny a nitrogen system

He went up the chimney as quick as he'd come
And left Johnny dripping paint, emotionally numb
He'd ambushed Ol' Santa and was now feeling mean
Santa had the last laugh, he left him to clean

Johnny straightened the stockings and wiped up the paint
He cleaned until morning, he thought he would faint
Santa's an awesome player, he thought in his head
As trudged to his room and fell in his bed

Don't wait up for Santa on this Christmas eve
That jolly old fat guy has a trick up his sleeve
If you've revenge in your eye like Johnny DeLouse
You'll only wind up bruised and cleaning the house

…The Next Year

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept Johnny Delouse
He'd written to Santa a letter this year
And asked for a rematch with stockguns, I hear

He acquired a Carter and played stock a lot
And became a believer of one kill with one shot
Santa's up to the challenge, he thought afterall
And he'd take out that fat man with just one well placed ball

The rules would be simple, he promised no scam
Only ten rounds of paint and a single twelve gram
He promised old Santa he'd give him his best
But just as in last year, loser cleans up the mess

Now, Johnny's a year older and wiser, you see
He perched himself outside and up in a tree
Johnny's view of the roof was just perfect, I'd say
He chambered a paintball and awaited his prey

Johnny waited and waited and got cold and stiff
If Santa had snubbed him, he'd really be miffed
He almost gave up and went in to his bed
When the sound of those sleighbells rang true in his head

When the sleigh did approach from the north as to land
Johnny beamed deep inside, it was just as he'd planned
He checked on his marker he pulled out the plug
He adjusted his facemask with one final tug

Santa's sleigh did then land and ol' Johnny took aim
He snapped off two quick shots and a third just the same
His shots had been accurate, his aim was so true
His target just sat there dripping in blue

What Johnny marked was not Santa, you see
And a ball outta nowhere felled John from his tree
He gathered his senses and felt for the hit
The ball had just bounced but it bruised his left tit

Santa's tricked poor old Johnny not once but now twice
But John still had seven shots when just one should suffice
Now an old elf in red couldn't hide I'd surmise
But Johnny knew well Santa had one more surprise

He sprinted for cover near his father's old shed
When he felt that old paintball smack into his head
His hand came back gooey this lesson was hard
Santa ambushed him this time from his own neighbor's yard

In the wink of an eye the old man was gone
And left Johnny splattered as the morning did dawn
This year's duel with Santa has left this hope alive
Maybe next year they'll tangle for three out of five

Authored: Huskerbug
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Last edited by Badger; 12-24-2011 at 10:39 PM.
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Old 12-24-2006, 07:55 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Old 12-24-2006, 12:53 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Not bad at all. The rhyming wasn't perfect, but I don't think you could do it any better and keep paintball involved.
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Old 12-24-2006, 02:59 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Sweet bit of creative writting there! Thanks for sharing it with us.

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Old 12-24-2006, 03:06 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Old 12-24-2006, 03:35 PM   #6 (permalink)
starts off small at first
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If I were you, I'd pattent it before SP reads it. Yo.
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THE-SHOOTIST Anyone chubbin' like me for this?
mailmanmike Since Monday! That's more than 4 hours though, so according to those cialis ads I should see my doctor.
tlane77 I think for a non-chemical chubby it's 6 hours before its time to see a doctor. So you should be good for another couple hours.
splattttttt I wasn't goin to google "chubbin" because I assumed it had to do with fat. The lard type, not the fun stuff. But what ever feelings Jeff's experiencing, then they must be of the fun like stuff...
tlane77 He's got a woody for your woods.
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Old 12-24-2006, 05:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I liked it, very cute and funny. Santa kicks butt!
Originally Posted by heinous View Post
we're talking about camping, not being homeless
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Old 12-24-2006, 07:14 PM   #8 (permalink)
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lol, those were AWESOME!!!

Thanks for sharing.

I loved the part about Santa shooting poor ol' Johnny in the left tit. Didn't see that one coming.
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Old 12-24-2006, 07:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by splattttttt View Post
If I were you, I'd pattent it before SP reads it. Yo.

I really liked it. I wish I could write or at least take the time to try.
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Old 12-24-2006, 07:46 PM   #10 (permalink)
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