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Old 01-02-2018, 11:12 AM   #1 (permalink)
Just ****ing confused
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Join Date: Aug 2006

Brass and Wood Fan
The Season of WALZMAS review.


How did we as a community get so lucky as to end up with a WALLYLLAMA?

Before I get too much into that let me also acknowledge pk5 and the hard work he puts in to the Secret Santa, which makes being a green member worth it completely. The gift of giving is just amazing.

So how did we get so lucky? A few years ago a scrappy young lad named Wallester III joined the forum. I remember there was some kind of build off and he produced this very interesting, sleek and gorgeous Sheridan build. The kind of build where you realize the guy has an eye for it that cannot be synthesized. His design choice really complimented the marker. I think he named it: "the Walzinator" IIRC. No one knew that this marker was a gateway drug for poor old Wallester. In the years that would follow, his addiction to brass shavings and powder coating fumes would see Wallester III go from a career as a promising young retiree in sunny California, to a brass addict living in a half constructed pole barn buried under 6 feet of snow, ostensibly in the north pole.

The WALZMAS tradition started last year I think. It kicked off with WALZ, high on Mothers Mag polish and Brasso, offering to give away 17 of his favourite markers, and all you had to do was support the website. This kind of generosity should come as no surprise, if people know anything about brass they know this: Brass (when inhaled) binds to and activates mu brass receptors in the brain, spinal cord, stomach and intestine. Regular use can lead to brass tolerance and a severe generosity disorder. SO crippled by his addiction Wallester III turned to the dealer who got him hooked, Carter Brown (infamous slave trader) to satisfy his urge for give-aways.

It started with one give-away, but one wasn't enough. Wallester III couldn't stop doing them, and encouraging others to join in. He laced his product give-aways with finite brass dust, and the addiction and generosity disorder spread like a virus. By the end of the first WALZMAS there had been over 40 give-aways (I am sure that psycho addict has the exact numbers). Members were running around like hedonists, naked photos of members with only brass covering their unmentionables began to circulate like wildfire, poor unsuspecting students would fire up their laptop in their classroom only to be greeted by these images. Members gave away everything, from Lapco SP Magic-box to Scarecrow lever adaptors, tiger stripe contact lenses, and Sandana winter Parkas. It was obscene.

By March the forum had returned to normal. Members receiving income tax refunds went about their normal business, selling CCM's at 500% markup, and devaluing brass by hocking KP2's at below $400. Doc reached his 11,000th whiteboard episode, and MAr made 3 cartoons no one cared about. Everything was back to normal.

But if there is one constant in life it is debilitating anxiety change, and the seasons rolled around like they do every other year, and the first snows started to fall signalling that the season of WALZSMAS was upon us yet again.
Kicked off by Wallester III himself, WALZSMAS started off with more generous giveaways, great threads, super cool movie quotes that went over people's heads like shoes thrown by Iraqi reporters at US presidents, and super amazingly cool contest ideas like: 'guess a password', which was the best, simply the best ever, believe me, no one does contests like I do. The membership drive was in full swing, with Carter Brown (infamous bootlegger) behind the scenes pulling the strings to make Wallester III dance, and grow the base of addicts, filling the coffers of his empire, as his diamond coated server tower's gold plated circuits transferred the data to his bitcoin empire. Around this time a plucky group of young members started a revolt, but Carter Brown (infamous narco-trafficker) snuffed them out, and Drg and Alpha343 were never heard from again. Some members were wise to what was going on, and avoided the giveaways, or only opened packages while wearing masks and latex gloves. Some member's spouses intervened, like Red means Moderator Schmitti, whose wife fearing the worst locked him up on a farm far away, keeping him busy with chores like miling the bull Alpacas, and knitting hats for the chickens, and supervising his internet access. But not everyone was so lucky, and the give-aways SURGED to a NEW RECORD. Some 62 threads were started, some of them containing MULTIPLE give-aways, the generosity of which surpassed the brass-fuelled madness of the year before. On his way to the bank, Carter Brown (infamous driller of eye-holes into otherwise unmolested private label cocker bodies) could be heard laughing over the sound of his bag of bit coins jingling, as he rushed to deposit his $1,209,766 in bitcoins, which by the time he reached the bank were worth $987,065.00, but by the time he reached the teller were worth $1,783,922.00.

So 62 threads by my count. An increase in generosity from what was an unparalleled year in 2016, leaving me to wonder: "What is next?" and "Will I still be a moderator after Carter Brown (infamous folder of the corner of book pages to mark his spot) reads this?"

My deepest and most sincerest thanks to the members for participating, and to Wallester III for starting what has fast become the greatest use of the internet since the "YouTube Flat Earth" movement. It is obvious that this website means as much to many of you, as it does to Wallester III and myself, as well as Carter Brown (infamous chip double-dipper at parties)
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Old 01-02-2018, 11:36 AM   #2 (permalink)
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An engaging read to be sure, well said Mar. Walzmas is my new favorite holiday tradition! Hats off to the venerable Wallester III for starting and continuing this dashing display of gentlemanly generosity.
Phinally a Phantom owner!
(also ER2, G3, Kaos, 98C)
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Old 01-02-2018, 11:37 AM   #3 (permalink)
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^ addict with a pen you are MAr.


And thanks to ALL to participated, bought membership and did their own giveaways!
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Old 01-02-2018, 11:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Great write-up, MAr. I think I can speak for all of MCB (well, most of us anyway) when I say...

All hail the Wally Llama!

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Old 01-02-2018, 12:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
I Am The Admin
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Originally Posted by Mar View Post
MAr made 3 cartoons no one cared about
So not true...

A huge thanks to PK5 and WALZ for the amazing things they both do. We ended 2017 with a bang!

Now I'm off to double dip...
Follow me on my blog For Non-Paintball Banter
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Old 01-02-2018, 08:58 PM   #6 (permalink)
Home of the lama
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Location: Naples, Idaho

Brass and Wood Fan
Awesome MAr.. your amazing...

It's all about team work and mcb has a great team...

Thank you everyone who had a giveaway this year... It was a great year for us....
Happy holiday season to all....
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The new sheriff in town.....
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Old 01-02-2018, 09:47 PM   #7 (permalink)
is my hero
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Location: St. Louis area

All hail the Wallylama and may Velcor bless this site and community!!!
Originally Posted by Nyxd View Post
...just following the natural paintball life cycle. Young with no money and drooling over all the nice toys ---> Old with toy money and no time to play.

Feedback thread:
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Old 01-03-2018, 01:16 AM   #8 (permalink)
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An engaging read, and I think Carter is now probably on a few countries watch lists. I never found out, it was so busy at home this season so I didn't have a chance to check, but what was Mar's Password?
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Old 01-03-2018, 01:31 AM   #9 (permalink)
I need this!
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It'll make you feel dumb. You really want to know?
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Always looking for a Woodland Camo F1 Illustrator. Got an extra?
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Old 01-03-2018, 01:36 AM   #10 (permalink)
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For real, this place is awesome. The thing that really got me this year was the number of "for a new player" giveaways. I was lucky enough to win one of them, and I'm hoping to have video of the handoff in a few weeks (or months, schedules permitting).

The recipient is someone who had played once before, at a birthday a few years ago, but joined me and a couple of teammates for a big game this summer (Top Gun's Alamo, NJ peeps know what I'm talking about), and LOVED it, and is now in the market for her own gear. And MCB is providing it.


Originally Posted by bellicose View Post
An engaging read, and I think Carter is now probably on a few countries watch lists. I never found out, it was so busy at home this season so I didn't have a chance to check, but what was Mar's Password?
Originally Posted by Rusty Brass View Post
It'll make you feel dumb. You really want to know?
Can I tell? I'm gonna tell. It was "pgp". Just like that. No caps. Three characters. pgp.
Zombie Defense Force, Local 42 #61 "Darwin"
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