1) I will not ship first! In fact, you're damn lucky that I ship at all. I have feedback on 3 different sites that are not this one, and you need to just trust me.
2) E-mails and PM's are too mainsteam. Any communication on this sale must be sent via coded podcast transmissions directly to my i-Phone. I will ignore all other communication, and actively mock any posts in my sales thread itself.
3) All sales are final. I don't care if the gun you get isn't the same as in the picture, and is crawling with dung beetles. Once I have your money, you are screwed.
4) Speaking of money. I don't accept cash, checks, money orders, or PayPal, (which I hate so much that I tack a 20% "I hate that so much" fee on the price every time someone asks if they can use it...) I only accept payment through registered Nigerian courier. If you don't know of one, just wait around long enough, and somone from Nigeria will contact you with the chance for get 20% of fifty million dollars for doing nothing more than giving out your bank routing information.
5) Be mature. I'm 12, and it really chaps my *** when someone calls me on it. The only way you can win is to give me everything I want just like mommy does because I'm a precious snowflake. So this rule should really be, "Just agree with everything I say," but that didn't get me very many sales, so changes had to be made.
6) No lowballs! Lowballing is reserved for me buying things from other people, not other people buying things from me. I have decided that a fair price for my items is approximately 119% of their retail value, and anything less than that is insulting to me. If you can't deal with that, you can blow a goat.
7) Be polite! The internet is full of jackholes who think that being behind a keyboard absolves them of the need for any human decency. Not here! In my sale you must be polite, and if you don't like it, you can drink bleach, you fag.
8) I only ship on Thursdays once a month, and there is no local pickup. If I can't charge shipping, I can't screw you for another 15 bucks for packaging. Oh, you'll get your gun parts (which probably started out as a whole gun) rattling around without the benefit of any padding, in a brown paper bag, sealed with duct tape, but somehow that's worth an extra fin and a half. If I'm feeling a bit hung over, I might miss shipping on on Thursday, and you'll just have to wait and see if I'm scamming you for another 30 days.
9) Finally, no thread-crapping... If you want to put posts in a thread that aren't synchophantically worshipful of the amazingness that is me, go to the other sales threads that I'm crapping on and do it there.
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