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Old 06-05-2006, 06:09 PM   #1 (permalink)
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C-3 contest: A play on words

I tried to keep the references 95% vintage. Had to slip in one or 2 newer terms just to keep it flowing. Thanks to vintagerex, pbreview, and pentestone.com for the databases of manufacturers, guns, and other PB related names that I could mutate into this story I hope colorful metaphors are considered "clean" :-) I did somewhat hope for corny and tacky Well, here's my submission:


Long ago, some time between the years 007 and 707, there was a SOVEREIGN land nestled between INDIAN CREEK and SOFT STREAM at the base of VALLEY AEROSPACE. A group of FOX HUNTERS stopped at a pub, the GRAMPS & GRIZZLY.

"Hey, I C-3 JOKERS coming in," the bartender thought to himself. So, he put on his best GAME FACE.

"Hmmm," he thought, "an OUTLAW, an old BUZZARD, and....well, well, well...a fair young lady! What an ANGEL! It's late out...she must be a real NIGHTHAWK." Feeling like he was up for some PNEU VENTURES, he worked up his MO-JO and approached her.

"GOTCH-YA!", he said as he grabbed her from behind, "Come sit in my LAPCO, my beautiful VALKYRIE! My name is ACE."

"Get your PALMERS off of me you BRUTE!", she said.

"Aww, come on, I'm quite a PERFORMER," he said. "You sure got some SMART PARTS there mi'lady...why don't we go back to my place and you can check out my SOUTHERN PNEUMATICS, and we can have some ACTION UNLIMITED."

One of her travelling companions quipped, "Ha! He plans to SHOCKER with his PYTHON? I've heard all you got is a MINI-HOG, mate!"

The old traveller chimed in, "Not even! I'll bet it's just an IMP KIT!"

"Sir, you're coming on a little too RAPIDE for me," she exclaimed.

The bartender scowled. "Ooh! DOUBLE TROUBLE! Are you both gonna DEFENDER?"

At this point her first cohort said to the bartender, "You're making her CROSS, MAN. Haven't you heard the LEGEND? That PINK PUFF appearance is just an ILLUSION. She's got a real DARKSIDE, and is most definitely a MAVERICK!"

"Great!", said the bartender.

The traveller continued, " No! She's a real BLACK WIDOW, and is a man's worst NIGHTMARE. They say the room temperature drops to 32 DEGREES when she enters."

"Yeah right," the bartender replied.

The old traveller piped up, "When you SPYDER coming into this establishment, you didn't know that she has been the ELIMINATOR of NASTY BOYS like you throughout the EMPIRE. She is a ROYAL-BLUE blood, an ELITE, and family friend of the RED BARON. Messing with her, is messing with the KING, MAN. You'd be thankful to only lose your ARM, SON. Most likely you'll be paid a visit by his ASSASSINATOR. Or end up lunch for an ALLIGATOR or PIRANHA. One day she, DAISY, will be Z LEADER of this land!

"Uhh, I just wanted to STROKER hair," the bartender said with the unmistakable look that he had just dropped a DEUCE in his shorts. "Uhh, thanks for the TIPP, MAN," he muttered as they walked out the door to seek another establishment.
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Old 06-06-2006, 08:07 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Now that's a good story!
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Old 06-06-2006, 11:11 AM   #3 (permalink)
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LOL! Good one!
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Old 06-06-2006, 06:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Gracias! Glad you enjoyed. I enjoyed assembling it. Even my wife had a chuckle, and she has NO idea what most of the terms are.
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