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Old 11-16-2012, 01:18 PM   #51 (permalink)
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Well I got chili going in the pot now.... Damn this thread made me hungery for chili.... God bless the Republic of Texas!!!!

Later,

Quinn
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Old 11-16-2012, 01:27 PM   #52 (permalink)
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God bless the Republic of Texas!!!
It's not like anyone else will...
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Old 11-16-2012, 01:47 PM   #53 (permalink)
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Hey now... Just because Texas has enough people for D.C. To review if we can pull away from the union...lol
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Asking if auto trigger is worth it is like asking if sex is worth it. The event won't always be frequent, but when it happens you walk away with a smile on your face and a lump in your pants.
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Bit of PB Wisdom "If it ends in '-ocker' and it is working; leave it the hell alone"
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Old 11-16-2012, 11:46 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Gagh! I had a room mate in Michigan who made Chili with TOFU!
That's a Chinese dish. Mabo-dofu or mapo-tofu. It's pretty tasty.

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Old 11-17-2012, 12:05 AM   #55 (permalink)
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I'm not at liberty to divulge our family chili recipe. And I will agree with Ironner88 that real Bar-B-Que is from the South EAST!

Anyway, since I won't share my recipes, I will share a joke:

CHILI CONTEST These are notes from an inexperienced chili taster named FRANK, who was visiting Georgia from New Jersey... "Recently I was lucky enough to be the 10,000th attendee at the State Fair in Perry, Georgia and was asked to fill in to be a judge at a chili cook-off.

Apparently the original Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there when the call came in and was assured by the other two Judges (Native Georgians) that it would be a fun event and a true taste of Southern hospitality. They assured me that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event."

Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Georgians are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced.

Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills, that 300 lb bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick.Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me burst into flames. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!

Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. An aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my *** with a snow cone!

Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: "Ho hum", tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like **** to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided too stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it,I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending... this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.
FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
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Old 11-17-2012, 02:37 AM   #56 (permalink)
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LMAO!

Well inspired by the success of my first batch I made a second one. I think I cut a couple years off our dog's life. He snuck some that spilled on the floor. It was almost too hot, even for me. I seriously considered breaking out the sour cream.
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Old 11-17-2012, 09:11 AM   #57 (permalink)
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Not sure where the exact written recipe is, but I haven't really followed that for a while anyway.

Generally I do a 5:1 Beef:Pork ratio. If I'm going cheap, ground meat works. Nicer, I use whole meat and cut it myself. Sometimes marinade it (in Shiner Bock and a couple spices).

NO BEANS

Plenty of Onions, Bell Peppers, Tomatoes, and Tomatillas if I can find good ones. Spice blend is a mix of Cumin, Coriander, Sea Salt, Cracked Black Pepper, Paprika, Cayenne, and Cardamom.

Last edited by Pirate; 11-17-2012 at 09:52 AM.
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