mcarterbrown.com
 

General Chat MCB's Coffee House: Pull up a seat, and grab your favorite caffeinated beverage. Non-paintball related chat within.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-28-2012, 06:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
Pump Battle Rager
 
raptor69r's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Columbia, SC

Thesis help ( see post)

Fellows,

For those who are trained and proficient in writing papers:

Short background: I`m taking two classes atm, one of them is emergency response to terrorism, I need to write a thesis and I really need help with it, below is what I got, could someone help me to make sense of it and make it a strong thesis?

I’m not asking you to write my research paper, just to straight me up in the right direction, as the mid terms are killing me….

What is between the " " is what I got so far, so any help would be greatly appreciated.

Bioterrorism

“The constant threat of a biological attack went away with the end of the cold war; diseases like Smallpox were eradicated thanks to the efforts of the World Health Organization (WHO) and the advances in medical research. After the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, a new threat emerge, one that many Americans thought to be nonexistent and some consider to be a very remote possibility; bioterrorism.

Through the history of warfare mankind has use biological agents as weapons, terrorist took that same initiative with the Anthrax attacks within weeks of 9/11 creating panic and forcing the federal government to take a new stand and reviving the old fears. The intended purpose for this paper is to evaluate the preventive measures the government has in place to prevent and contain a possible biological attack and the level of feasibility for a terrorist group or a rogue state to carry out an attack in American soil.”

Thanks in advance

Gabe
__________________
Raptor69r`s feedback link:

http://www.mcarterbrown.com/forums/f...-feedback.html

Quote:
Originally Posted by chopper duke View Post
Just smooth and easy like a toothless hooker!


raptor69r is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2012, 07:13 PM   #2 (permalink)
Summer's a-commin'
 
cobyrne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Dunedin, NZ

Gabe,

Here's a structure I use for writing an introduction:

Right off the bat, identify what the paper is broadly about: i.e. Various methods to address bioterrorism on American soil.

Context - next talking about broad areas within the literature - identify those most relevant to the topic. Discuss these in slightly more detail and identify key authors as examples - not too much detail, just enough to let the reader know that you've read what these authors have written.

Issue - what specifically are you looking at? - evaluating measures

Significance - why are you looking at this?

Outline the organization of the paper: first section(s) - discuss key areas of the literature and authors and evaluate what they've done on the topic. Second section - compare measures. Third section (discussion) - What was learned from doing the comparison. Fourth section (conclusion) - How should what you've learned affect how people do things (either in practice or in policy)

I hope this helps,
Colin
__________________
MCB Feedback
cobyrne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2012, 07:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
smells good!
 
stimpy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: San Diego CA

Quote:
Originally Posted by raptor69r View Post
Bioterrorism

“The constant threat of a biological attack went away with the end of the cold war; diseases like Smallpox were eradicated thanks to the efforts of the World Health Organization (WHO) and the advances in medical research. After the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, a new threat emerge(d), one that many Americans thought to be nonexistent and some consider to be a very remote possibility; bioterrorism.

Throughout the history of warfare mankind has use biological agents as weapons, terrorists took that same initiative with the Anthrax attacks within weeks of 9/11 creating panic and forcing the federal government to take a new stand and reviving revive the old fears. The intended purpose for this paper is to evaluate the preventive measures the government has in place to prevent and contain a possible biological attack and the level of feasibility for ease at which a terrorist group or a rogue state to could carry out an attack in on American soil.”

Thanks in advance

Gabe
The sections in red seem to contradict each other. The "end of the cold war" and the September 11th attacks are not that far apart, and I'm pretty sure smallpox was taking care of long before either of those events (someone please correct me if I'm wrong) - not sure if you're attempting to create some sort of timeline to bring the reader up to speed, but it seems awkward to me.

Second paragraph: "preventive measures the government has in place to prevent and contain" - this is redundant; I know that preventive measure "prevent."

Make sure to check your grammar and spelling; a good trick is to read the word aloud and determine if they make sense to you that way. I crossed out some words that weren't needed, or could be replaced with something else in order tighten it up - try to ensure that every paragraph ends-up like an Eigenbarrel: tight, efficient, and accurate.

That being said, I know very little about bioterrorism or the associated counter-measures; what little I do know - or suspect I know - is gleamed from Tom Clancy books (a few of the later Jack Ryan books)
__________________
Sale: Box of Lapco

WTB: Black 07 Ego Eye Covers

WTB: AGD Z-grip or Y-frame


Quote:
Originally Posted by Bored383 View Post
what stimpy said
Quote:
Originally Posted by gainman View Post
My butt hole hurts all the time
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slim View Post
Stimps is the man! Not only does he smell his own farts, but he enjoys it at the same time.

FEEDBACK<<<<
stimpy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2012, 07:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
Pump Battle Rager
 
raptor69r's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Columbia, SC

Guys, thanks for the input,

Colin,

That out line makes more sense after reading it couple times, will take the suggestion below and apply the outline.

Stimpy, love the analogy for the barrel, (I do have one of them and love it)

Thanks

Gabe
__________________
Raptor69r`s feedback link:

http://www.mcarterbrown.com/forums/f...-feedback.html

Quote:
Originally Posted by chopper duke View Post
Just smooth and easy like a toothless hooker!


raptor69r is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2012, 10:06 PM   #5 (permalink)
All hail Chad!
 
Axel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Greencastle, Pennsylvania

Fan of EMR
Brass N Wood Fan
So you'll be reading through past attacks, what biological agents are out there, who's developed them, how a non-state terror organization might get a hold of them, means of delivery, and preventative & reactive measures in place?

What level class are you taking (100/200, 300/400, graduate?) How long is the paper supposed to be? Are you limited on the topic, or are you free to adjust, narrow, expand? I found that one important part of writing a good paper was to narrow the topic just so that there was plenty of information available, but limited enough that you can absorb most of what you read and turn it into a coherent, intelligent paper.

I used the note card method for most of my papers, and it works. It's a lot of tedious effort up front but it pays off at writing time. Get a pack of 3x5 index cards:

1. Every source you crack open gets a bibliography card. Write the bibliography entry just like it will go into your paper, according to the style (MLA, APA, Chicago/Turabian) you are using. Every bibliography card gets a letter.
2. As you read the source, every time you get a fact that may be relevant for your paper, write it on the card. One fact per card, break it down as far as you can. Each note card gets the letter corresponding to its bibliography card, a subject title, a page number from the source (if relevant), and a note as to whether it's a direct quotation, a paraphrase, or summary.
3. Once you have enough information, group the card together by subject. These become sections and paragraphs. Group them according to your outline. You will end up throwing some away as your direction evolves.
4. Once you have the stack of cards in order, pick them up one paragraph or section at a time, and write. You know how to do that by now: subject, supporting data, conclusion. Add your own analysis, fill in references per style, write introduction and conclusion sections to tie it all together and you're done. The bibliography is copied verbatim from the cards.

It's like building an autococker: gather all the right parts (and there are so many options!), then put them in order, assemble, time, and play.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lohman446 View Post
My post was intended to be funnier than it was written
Feedback

Last edited by Axel; 12-28-2012 at 10:10 PM.
Axel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-29-2012, 06:28 PM   #6 (permalink)
Pump Battle Rager
 
raptor69r's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Columbia, SC

Axel,

Thanks for the input, never though about the card method, the class is part of my BS in homeland Security, and it is a 211 (200) series, the paper has to be 2000/2500 words APA style.

This particular thesis is due tomorrow and it is a go/no go, there is no grade on it, the final paper is due 30 Jan 13, so I still have time, for some reason, two classes, mid terms and weekly forum postings got my brain freeze ....

So all you guys help , was key to send this one up.

At the end I just may need an outside source to go over the paper and make the grammar and punctuation corrections.

Thanks one again, and Happy new year.

Gabe
__________________
Raptor69r`s feedback link:

http://www.mcarterbrown.com/forums/f...-feedback.html

Quote:
Originally Posted by chopper duke View Post
Just smooth and easy like a toothless hooker!


raptor69r is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-29-2012, 10:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
Seasoned Member
 
Patar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Hayward, California

Quote:
Originally Posted by cobyrne View Post
Gabe,

Here's a structure I use for writing an introduction:

Right off the bat, identify what the paper is broadly about: i.e. Various methods to address bioterrorism on American soil.

Context - next talking about broad areas within the literature - identify those most relevant to the topic. Discuss these in slightly more detail and identify key authors as examples - not too much detail, just enough to let the reader know that you've read what these authors have written.

Issue - what specifically are you looking at? - evaluating measures

Significance - why are you looking at this?

Outline the organization of the paper: first section(s) - discuss key areas of the literature and authors and evaluate what they've done on the topic. Second section - compare measures. Third section (discussion) - What was learned from doing the comparison. Fourth section (conclusion) - How should what you've learned affect how people do things (either in practice or in policy)

I hope this helps,
Colin
This is also typically my favorite format for a lot of my essays. Not only does it make it easier on you to write the paper in a way that doesn't confuse yourself, it's also easy for the reader(s) to follow the information you're throwing at them.

Especially on this sort of subject, Colin's layout will do you a lot of good. As long as you have the evidence and the explanations/justifications to back it up, you need not worry about meeting any sort of length quota, and it'd be easier for your professor/teacher to pick apart your essay. An unstressed teacher is the best teacher!
__________________
Feedback
Patar is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

  mcarterbrown.com » General » General Chat

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:24 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.6
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO
© MCB Network LLC